Someone’s not paying attention… September 18, 2006
Posted by God in God's Opinions:.trackback
I just had the following email arrive and I gotta tell ya, I haven’t laughed so hard in nearly a milennia.
Hey,
Really liked some of the posts on your blog.
Have a look at what we are doing, there is a sign up page.
We would love you to join in.
May God Bless you and your blogging efforts. We look forward to hearing
from you.Craig
Christian Bloggers
info@christian-bloggers.com
I’m absolutely certain that any seasoned, hardcore, Bible thumping Christian would be completely horrified to read some of the things I’ve posted here.
So that means we’ve got 3 possible scenarios at work here…
1. Someone wasn’t paying any fucking attention.
2. These are some extraordinarily open minded Christians.
3. I just got spammed by a Christian Blogging Community.
Regardless of which one it is, I think the whole idea of joining a Christian blogging community is absolutely hilarious and I’m seriously considering joining up.
These folks are totally not ready to be told that their beloved religious leaders have perverted my message, abused the power given them, commited the very sins they’re supposed to be against, and basically used the Christian community in general as their own private playthings.
The temptation of popping in and revealing all these most unpopular things to them, all at their invitation no less, is just about more then I can stand.
You know the old saying…tempt not the Lord thy God.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some new friends to make.
I’ll be sure to keep you all posted on the internet bloodbath that is sure to result.
Boy, are these guys in for a shock!
Indeed they are…most deservedly.
Didn’t you get my email God? Look, you know me, I dont ask for much, but a big lottery win is all I’m asking for. I understand you’re pretty busy with the thunderbolts and stuff, but a quick divine finger in the lottery draw should only take a minute of your heavenly time. And let’s be real here, you’ve got a lot of time on your hands.
I sent you a burnt offering yesterday (when I answered the phone and forgot the lamb chops in the griller) and you must remember how I called out your name when I stepped on the cat this morning.
is there perhaps something else you want ? Do you still hear prayers? Should I recite one? Make a novena? Say a rosary? Spin a prayerwheel? Buy a ticket? What?
Sorry Queenie…you’re a great person and all but really, I’ve got entirely too much going on to rig an entire lottery.
It’s not that I don’t think you deserve it but if I make an exception for you then I’ll have to do it for everyone and that opens a can of worms I’m just really uncomfortable.
But hey, did you see that sunrise yesterday morning? That was pretty cool right?